$40 million in your bank account, or peace in the Middle East for, say, 500 years. What do you choose?
If the 500 years of peace in the Middle East results from everyone in the region legitimately abandoning their respective organized religions in favor of rational, progressive, and cooperative humanism, then I choose peace.
If the 500 years is just the same ancient tribal bullshit without the bullets, then I’ll take the money and everyone can go fuck themselves.
I don’t have enough money to pay for all the things I have to pay for, my dresser is broken, my phone is broken, I owe over $20,000 in student loans, my sleep patterns are fucked up, I love someone who lives far away, AND I HAVEN’T BEEN IN A LAZY RIVER ONCE THIS SUMMER. I just cannot.
He came to New York to see me. Left Philly on a bus at 5am for me. It was all a surprise. It was mostly beautiful. He introduced me to his friends and kissed me in front of them. He met my oldest and dearest friends. He offered to carry my bags (I’ll never let him) and fucked me in the shower. He let me sleep on his shoulder on the subway. He came to me this time. He held me tight and made me promise to call him when I got home, no matter what time it was.
He didn’t answer. We never hang out in the same city. We’re both going places fast and not together. He also saw some other chick in Queens and smoked with her. I think they may have used to love each other, or fuck each other. I think the Frank Ocean song “Golden Girl” makes him think about her. Every Frank Ocean song makes me think of him. He doesn’t like to hold me when we sleep. He’s trying. We’re having fun. This is fun, right?
I would go anywhere in the world with him. Every time I go to a new city, especially with him, I think about leaving KC. I feel so guilty. I’m supposed to run for office. I’m supposed to build something here, but I don’t know if I’m ready to plant my roots. I’m itching for something different. My mentor wrote me a letter and signed it, “You’re gonna rule the world someday soon. Yay! XOXO.” I feel like if I don’t stay here, I will let everyone down, maybe even myself. If he asked me to move to San Diego, I would consider it, but I don’t think he ever will.
I just want to be in a place where nothing matters but us. But you can’t live your life on vacation.