and went to happy hour at Harry’s with the Mayor’s staff. Probably had one beer too many with his policy advisers. (Note for future: I will totally fit in with the policy wonks. We are cynical and nerdy, but not too nerdy, and really like to drink.)
Jay is the Senior Policy Advisor and is fucking awesome. He’s the one who told us at orientation to “act better than you are” and that I will have two strikes against me walking in to City Hall, being 1) young and 2) female. A lot of people are going to think I can’t do the job, that my ambition is “cute,” and I must destroy those people.
I almost didn’t go because of nerves. Roosevelt (awesome guy who works for the Mayor and runs the internship program) invited me and I was the only intern there. But I’m so glad I went. I deserve a seat at the table, even if, for now, that’s just a picnic table on the patio of Harry’s Country Club, haha. I am pretty social, but do get anxious in situations where I feel I will be judged or have to impress people. Today, I just tried to act like myself- bubbly, chatty, kinda mean/sarcastic and, BLAMMO, it worked. Fancy that? Now I have a contact with Hillary Clinton’s press secretary.
I’ve also always considered myself oddly bad at networking because, despite being callous sometimes, I really do not view my relationships as opportunistic. I never look at someone and think, “Hmm, what can I get from them?” I also don’t like asking for favors. I’m getting way better at asking for help with tasks or understanding, but I find it weird to ask people to do things for me or provide me with connections. But, for better or worse, everyone sort of has to play the game. It doesn’t mean you can’t be genuine or like people for who they are in addition to what they can give you. I hope one day I can serve as a resource to some intern.
Also, went to a breakfast with the Mayor (love him!) and met some cool chick named Karen. She’s 26 and an intern. While I love drinking with the big-wigs, it’s really nice to hang out with someone who is in the same boat as me, particularly because we’re both a little older than most of the interns. (Some are still in high school- no wonder I’m the crowd favorite!)
So, basically, I love my job and the people I work with. I’m sure I might have done some dumb, drunk intern thing today, but everyone seemed genuinely happy to see me. Even made friends with the Mayor’s security. (Seriously- make friends with everyone.) I could do this forever.
Dr. Henry Morgentaler, a Canadian doctor who was arrested four times for performing abortions, but whose arrests eventually led to the 1988 Canadian Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion in the country. He died this week at the age of 90. Good obit in the NY Times.
the problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me
So this guy I’ve been kinda seeing totally saw me eat crab legs today…and he still wants to date me. An he’s sleeping over at my house. Tonight. This is odd. Like, he just said before I left his place, “I’ll call you soon, I’m gonna stay at your house tonight.” What what whaaaat I don’t understand.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
A cute boy made me a delicious breakfast this morning. Squeeee. He knows not what he does. When people make me food, I fall in love with them. I’ve probably imprinted on him now like a baby duckling on its mom. “This human feeds me? LOVE AND FOLLOW THIS HUMAN ‘TIL DEATH.”
For me, one of the biggest determiners of how I’m feeling is who I’m around. When I get really down, I tend to withdraw and sit at home all day, which just makes me feel worse. I decided to reach out to Matthew and some of my Gaf girls and it totally raised my spirits, even though I didn’t make any concrete plans. When I isolate myself I just feel utterly hopeless and alone. I need to take time to remember all the people around me who love and support me. I need to make myself leave the house. Last week, I only saw Katie and my family, then spent the weekend with the Rosses. (Only Level One “Essential Persons,” lol.) Sooo much love in my life that sometimes it’s easy to take for granted. Everything got crazy when the Gaf closed. Not only are the friends I worked with without jobs and in a similar situation to me, but other friends graduated and are trying to figure out their lives, too. I need to make the time to reach out to people, especially those who wanted to spend time with me last week, people I purposely barred myself from because I felt sad and unworthy. Well, news flash: I am worthy, I can still have fun without having a lot of money, and so many great people have offered to help me through this time in my life. I’m lucky. Time to pull myself out of this lazy funk!
Ohhhhh god I’m depressed.
Maybe not depressed. Like, numb. Lazy, don’t want to leave my bed, everything seems hopeless and overwhelming and hard. I have got to find another job immediately.
Hi, my name’s Rachel. I don’t have a job, like to eat my feelings, and am really messy. I also smoke cigarettes, don’t work out, and might have a drinking problem. Everyone should love me! Lol?
I just want to scream at the mainstream media
TUMBLR IS NOT COMPARABLE TO “OTHER SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES.” THAT’S NOT THE POINT AND IT NEVER WAS.
If any decision you make involves the reasoning “It’ll be more like… (insert social networking site here” you’re wrong and don’t do that.
So, my bar is closing on Saturday. Yep. And while I could write 10 million posts about that, I’ma keep this to the events of last nights.
Some people at the Gaf are mad at me for telling other people that we’re closing. People who, in my opinion, have the right to know. A former bartender and manager who just left a month ago, and the manager of another bar in our “family.” Both are my friends. Both held me while I cried. (And I cried a lot.) And, granted, both of these people will know on Monday, when we don’t open our doors again, that we’re closed. My boss didn’t even have the decency to tell me until last night. Thank god I (ironically) just got a new summer internship that pays, otherwise I would be out of work. I will be still until June 3rd. And everyone’s pissed at ME. Fuck that. We built this bar together and they have a right to know. I am more loyal to them than your secrecy, Darci. I hate that I feel like I always have to pick sides in this stupid managerial feud. The Gaf is my LIFE and now my life is over.
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
I think my alcohol use is starting to become a problem. Even though I only went out twice this week, I spent a ton of money, walked out on a tab (!), and was hungover alll day today. On Mother’s Day. I feel like a piece of shit. Feeling profoundly depressed. I’m sucking at school and might fail a class I need to graduate, but I don’t know if that’s drinkings fault. I just suck at time management. I’ve never been a good student and kinda hate myself for it. I’m broke and tired. I’m sure I did something embarrassing. I have forgotten large portions of last night. I think it’s just the money and the physical effects that are starting to wear on me. I didn’t drive home and am getting a lot better at not driving drunk. I feel like I can easily have fun without drinking and never drink alone or out of sadness, so I don’t know if I would call this “alcoholism.” Just very poor decision making. Summer’s coming and I know I’ll just be drinking more. Oh well, here’s what I can do right now:
1) Finish these damn anthropology papers. Just take an Adderall, stay up, and get the work done.
2) Pick up a few more shifts at work, at least once finals week is over.
3) Make a coherent plan for applying to graduate school. Even if I don’t do it right now, at least sign up to take (and study for) the GRE.
4) Stay in this week. There will be plenty of time for fun once the hard work is done.
I have the best people in my life. I don’t want to disappoint them. I feel like I judge myself way more harshly than others judge me, so maybe I just need to relax. I don’t hate when my friends get drunk and do dumb things, so why would they hate me? Just relax. Breathe. .
Eat that pussy and be grateful. There’s starving nice guys in fedoras who don’t have any.
men who pass around/publicize naked photos sent to them by someone who trusted them are shitty people. & if you shame the girl for sending those photos which they thought were going to be kept private, instead of blaming the guy for being an asshole and betraying his partner, you suck too.
woah bummer for everyone not making out with me right now