“It must be said: She should not have shown him her soul. She flashed it again and again, as if it were a bauble meant to entice him, or a hand mirror flashing signals from a dark and lonely place. Everybody knows about dark and lonely places, he thought. But why was she sending these signals without knowing who he was and if he cared to read them?”—
“So it’s really up to young women to fix this mess; we have to take the lead. Young women need to not just ignore the double standard, but to actively fight it by being proud of sex. I’m not saying you should hand out flyers with all the names of your sexual partners and a play-by-play of your favorite positions. But there’s a lot of power in just telling the truth without any shame. If you lie about the number of people you have sex with, or if you call another girl a slut… you’re supporting the notion that it’s not okay for women to have sex when they want to, or with as many people as they want to.”— Jessica Valenti (from ‘Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters’) (via odetothemodernman, sexisnottheenemy)
“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”—Bukowski (via cellocase)
Click through for the commentary about “Denim Day” and their “No Excuses” campaign.
#1 SHE WAS WEARING TIGHT JEANS:
In 1999, the Italian High Court overturned a rape conviction because the victim was wearing tight jeans at the time of the assault. The justices stated that the victim must have helped her attacker remove her jeans, from which they inferred consent. People all around the world were outraged. Wearing jeans on this anniversary became an international symbol of protest against erroneous and destructive attitudes abotu sexual violence.
#2 SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT:
It is often believed that sexy or suggestive clothing invites wanted male attention, positive or negative. Regardless, wearing revealing clothing does not invite sexual assault. In fact, women and girls have been raped in everything from jeans to business suits to pajamas. This belief reinforces the myth that women and girls invite assault by their clothing choices and shifts the blame for the crime to the victim and away from the perpetrator, where it belongs.
#3 SHE WAS FLIRTING ONLINE:
Teenagers and children have increasingly become targets for predators both online and via mobile devices. Predators today will use social networking sites to contact youth and convince them that the “stranger” is a “friend.”This connection increases the child / teen’s trust in them and interest in sexual relations. Learning about the dangers of internet use and speaking about them openly can help minimize the risks from those who wish to abuse.
#4 SHE WAS HIS STEADY GIRLFRIEND:
One of the most common misconceptions is that most rapes are committed by strangers. In reality, more than 75% of sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knew and trusted—such as a teacher, co-worker, relative, friend, or even their steady girlfriend or boyfriend. Just because someone has consented to a sexual act in the past does not give someone the right to assume consent and force or coerce sexual contact.
#5 SHE WAS DRUNK AND PARTYING:
It is commonly believed that because a woman is drinking she somehow invites rape. In most states, it is against the law to have sex with someone who is unable to give legal consent. Coercing or forcing sex without consent is considered rape/sexual violence. If convicted of this crime, a perpetrator would likely have to register as a sex offender.
#6 HE HAD IT COMING:
Male anger and violence is afflicted upon other men and not just women. Rape is a violent act of power and control that damages the victim—male or female. The socialization of men creates immense challenges for them to disclose any type of sexual victimization.
#7 SHE WAS HIS WIFE:
Spousal rape or marital rape is often unreported and overlooked.There is a widely held view that a woman surrenders consent at the time of marriage, and is responsible for satisfying all her husband’s needs and desires in order to be a good wife. The law has been slow to criminalize marital rape, but it is now recognized as a crime in all 50 states.
#8 I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR HER:
Sexual assault is a function of power and control. Frail older persons are often dependent on others for care and can be extremely vulnerable to sexual mistreatment. 96% of sexual abuse of elder persons is committed by a family member or a caretaker. 86% of elder sexual assault victims are women.
#9 THE INTENSITY GOT TO HIM:
Today, there are more women serving in the military than ever before. However, women soldiers who signed up to defend their countries have instead had to defend themselves from assault and rape by their own fellow soldiers and in some cases their commanding officers. The phenomena is not only unique to women, but inclusive of men as well. Military sexual violence has occurred during training, times of peace, and times of war.
#10 SHE HAS SEX FOR MONEY:
Because a sex worker exchanges a sex act for money does not mean that they cannot be raped or deserve to be sexually violated. Someone’s choices in profession, lifestyle, and appearance do not give anyone the right to rape, assault, or otherwise hurt them.
#11 SHE CANNOT HEAR, TALK, OR REPORT:
According to a survey by the U.S. Department of Justice, rates of rape and sexual assault among persons who are deaf or disabled are more than twice that of the general population. Persons who are deaf or have a disibility are also more likely to experience repeated sexual assaults throughout their lifetimes. The perception of vulnerability or inability to report does not give someone the right to force or coerce sexual contact.
#12 RAPE IS NOT PART OF THE SENTENCE:
Every year, more than 100,000 U.S. male and female inmates are sexually abused by other inmates or correctional staff. More often than not, the perpetrators are correctional staff, whose very job it is to keep prisoners safe. When the government removes someone’s liberty, it takes on an absolute responsibility to protect that person’s safety. Rape is not part of the penalty. In the aftermath, most prisoner rape survivors are forced to suffer in silence, too fearful of retaliation and further abuse ever to file a formal report. Rape is an abomination, whether it occurs in jail or in the community.
“You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film.”—Ryan Gosling on Blue Valentine’s NC-17 rating. Sign the Petition for the MPAA to re-evaluate it’s rating of the film here. Watch the trailer for the film here. Bonus: I totally own the shirt Michelle Williams’ is wearing in the intense scene around the :55 mark. (via womanofsteele)
filled with anxiety. how can queer have an aesthetic? does my identity do anything? what have i claimed? can femme actually be resistance or am i just a part of every other system of oppression and i’m too fucking self-righteous to see it? when will people stop assuming that i am straight? what do…
Our culture is nowhere close to being free from the confines of gender binary and hetero-centrism, and that’s not on your shoulders, even if it feels that way. You don’t have to purposely act/dress in a way that subverts traditional gender roles, ya know? (And you know this, but there is that pressure.) Do what makes youuu happy, as an individual, and fuck the haters. The fact that you are worrying about this stuff in a big picture kind of way means you’ve already won. DON’T STRESS, you are beautiful.
“A democratic morality should judge sexual acts by the way partners treat one another, the level of mutual consideration, the presence or absence of coercion, and the quantity and quality of the pleasures they provide. Whether sex acts are gay or straight, coupled or in groups, naked or in underwear, commercial or free, with or without video, should not be ethical concerns.”—Gayle Rubin, “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality” (via rev)
about Nietzsche, (spelled that right on the first try, bia) and his idea that human nature constantly pulls us. All moral actions are a result of it. But where he sees selfishness as pure human nature, I see altruism. He critically notes that at the heart of all Western moralities is the command to “Love thy neighbor,” and anyone who would willfully hurt their neighbor is the least moral creature. The reason for this reaches beyond Christian mythology. It goes to the very heart of us. Why did we group together and build walls around ourselves, making cities? Because if the group is secure, so are the individuals within it. Why do we have children, excluding clear biological imperative? Perhaps for a selfish desire to perpetuate parts of ourselves— but having a child is investing in the group. (You would not willingly bring offspring into a world you would deem unfit for their survival.) Altruism is, in it’s own way, self-preservation.
I think deep down I am a hedonist, and that’s been tying me up in knots lately. Why does the world look down on women who choose to sleep around? Why is anyone not interested in monogamy looked at as damaged (men and women alike?) Why is marijuana still illegal? I feel like maybe the whole group would benefit if we embraced our hedonistic sides, or at least acknowledged them. Group preservation through true expression of self. If we don’t, I think we may tear one another apart. Moral judgment, which seems to be so deeply a part of Christian ethics, seems counterproductive to self-growth.
my boyfriend has scarcely spoken to me today and I’m not upset about it. Y U NO MAD, self? Is it because I can totally understand why he’s mad at me (being a depressed, sarcastic bitch on more than one occasion) or because I really don’t give a shit (probably a manifestation of the former)? I don’t know.