with my boyfriend today.  Such a terrible fucking show.  So idiotic, relies on stereotypes, really dumb/vapid characters, etc.  So it basically turned into this giant deal because I hated it, and when Jon hears that, it’s like he hears that I hate him.  Which I don’t.  But then I feel like a cunt for impugning his taste, not being “cool” enough to be down with all the vaguely sexist jokes and portrayals of women.  I wish we could just be more chill with one another after two fucking years instead of getting uptight about what the other person likes or dislikes.  So I just typed this out in my frustration, trying to sort out these feelings, trying to reconcile just being chill and not giving a fuck with actually sort of giving a fuck about the (constant!) sexist portrayals of women in our culture.  Idk, maybe shit like this show wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t so pervasive, or if my own partner didn’t like it.  (Granted, of course, he says that he doesn’t necessarily agree with everything these characters say, but he still watches the damn show.)  Such dudebro annoying-ness.: 

“I’m sick of this fucking culture.  I’m supposed to be an anything-goes, no-sacred-cows kind of girl.  A crass sexual comment?  Shouldn’t bother me.  Yet it reminds of this entire damn fucking culture, the one that says because I am a woman I am supposed to be leered at, hit on, sexually harassed, and assaulted.  And I’m supposed to like it.  I would love to hear what you want to do to me. 

I tell myself that I think that any display of sexuality is good.  Sexual freedom is an ideal worth striving for.  Of course, abuse is never okay, but what about those grey areas, those cultural nuances that make me squirm?  When a guy who likes “fat girls” is mercilessly taunted?  When a guy on TV tells his wife he wants to fuck her in a brownie girl scout uniform, when use it later in his “wank bank?”  I’m supposed to say, “Of course this is okay!  It’s sexual freedom!”  But it makes me feel alienated.  I am tired of women being used solely for male pleasure or ridicule.  There is nothing wrong with lust, but can there be something wrong with the way we express it, particularly in the culture at large?  I’m starting to think that there is.  And I think that makes me a prude.  And that’s what fucking kills me.  Because I want to be a cool girl.  A cool “chick” is more like it.  I don’t want to hate male sexuality—it as just as valid as any other variety.  I’m supposed to let anything go.  Even if it bothers me or reminds me of a past bad experience where a stranger tells me what they want to do to me, or other women. No sacred cows.  Let’s go to the butcher.”